Running a family gift exchange or Secret Santa
Once a family gets big, everyone buying for everyone gets expensive and tiring. An exchange fixes that. Each person buys one gift for one person, and everybody still opens something.
Somebody has to run it. If that is you, most of the work is up front, and most of the trouble comes from skipping it.
What should I decide before anyone draws a name?
Three things: who is in, the spending limit, and the date. Put them in one message so nobody can say they missed it. Set the limit for the person with the least to spend.
Also decide the opt-out. Some people would rather not take part this year, and it is easier if they can say so before the draw.
How do I draw names fairly?
Paper slips in a bowl still work for a family in one room. Put the name back if someone draws their own, and keep couples from drawing each other unless they want to. Also keep a note of last year's pairs so nobody gets the same person twice in a row.
For a family spread across several states, use a free name-drawing site, or have one trusted person draw and message each giver privately. Keep a note, visible only to you, of who drew whom. Someone will lose their slip.
How does someone shop for a person they barely know?
This is where exchanges go wrong. You draw a second cousin you see twice a year and have no idea what to buy.
Ask everyone to make a wishlist and share the link before the draw. In Wishmark the person who drew their name opens the list and presses "I'll get this" on what they pick. That person sees "You're getting this" with an Undo. Everyone else sees only "Someone's getting this", and the list owner is told that someone is getting them something, but never what or who. The surprise stays a surprise.
What about the kids?
Children usually do better outside the draw. Adults can exchange with each other while each adult brings one small gift per child. Or draw names within age groups. Tell the parents early, so nobody is caught short.
How do we open them?
One at a time, so everybody sees each face. Ask the giver to say one line about why they picked it. Some families guess the giver before the reveal.
For a crowd of adults, a swap game (often called white elephant) lets people trade a wrapped gift for another one. Keep it light, and let anyone sit out.
What about people who cannot make it that day?
Have their giver mail the gift early with a note. On the day, call them on video as it gets opened, so they see the reaction. Someone has to hold the phone, so name that person ahead of time.
What if someone drops out after the draw?
It happens. Quietly give their person to someone who volunteers, or buy that gift yourself and say nothing. Do not redraw the whole thing. Everyone else has already started shopping.
How do I keep it on schedule?
Give three dates: when the draw happens, when gifts must be bought, and when you open them. People who live far away need time for mail, so set the buying date earlier for them.
Send one friendly message two weeks before the opening date. Send it to the whole group at once, so you are not chasing people one at a time.